


Leva's Polka

by enma



Category: Firefly, Serenity
Genre: Alcohol, Flirting, Kinda, M/M, Mal is a bit of an ass, my lame attempt at humour
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-23
Updated: 2013-05-23
Packaged: 2017-12-12 18:46:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/814792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enma/pseuds/enma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mal wonders why Simon hasn't started flirting with him yet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to make a funny... (pouts)

"Y'know Doc, I kinda feel insulted that you haven't been hitting on me."  
Simon paused whilst stitching up yet another knife wound on Mal's chest to give him a confused look.  
"Excuse me?!"  
"I mean, I'm a handsome fella aren't I? All limbs attached and whatnot."  
"I think you might be having a reaction to the painkillers..."  
"Nah Doc, I feel fine. And I know I look fine," Leer, "So how come you haven't been trying to get me into the sack yet?"  
"What even gives you the idea that I like men?" Annoyed, Simon finished bandaging and moved over to the sink.  
"Fussy clothes, perfect hair, prissy manners, pretty face, everything about you just screams 'pillowbiter'. Not that it's an insult or anything," He added hastily as Simon spun round with a deathglare.  
"Well, Captain," Voice like steel and eyes sending daggers, "Even if I was gay, after that little speech I doubt I'd consider you a romantic possibility. Ever."  
And with that said, Simon stormed out of the medical bay.  
"Is that a 'no' then?"  
"GO TO HELL!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wait. What?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got chomped on by plot bunnies.

"So you were gay.. and then you realised you were EVEN MORE gay?"  
Simon frowned through his drunken haze at the hysterical girl beside him.  
"No," he said carefully, "I just didn't realise that I was totally gay until it was more than just physical attraction..."  
Kaylee snorted into her drink and tried to contain the giggles. "Same thing dummy!"  
He grinned. "Oh yeah."  
That set them both off and laughter echoed through the ship.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Then more alcohol decided to get involved. Oh and Jayne.

"Y'know what I think Doc?"   
"What do you think Jayne?" Simon took another sip of the alcohol and immediately regretted it.  
"I think she gave up trying to get a man and let herself get fat and ugly instead." He shifted in his seat and drank directly out the bottle.  
Simon watched in fascination as the almost-toxic substance was consumed rapidly. It really was a miracle the big merc was still breathing.  
"You misogynist; thinking every woman just needs a man."   
Jayne slammed the empty bottle down and glared at his reluctant drinking buddy.  
"They do." Flatly. "I don't appreciate you using big words I don't know and I'm gonna take offense."   
He stood up, swayed a bit, then proceeded to drag Simon out of his seat.   
The younger man spluttered and fought back as violently as he could but Jayne was not letting go. A bit of maneuvering and Simon was hefted over one broad shoulder.   
"What the diyu do you think you're doing?!" He beat at Jayne's broad back and wriggled as much as the iron grip would allow.  
"Y'know what else I think Doc?" They were now moving along the corridor to the crew bunks.  
"I don't care!" They reached Jayne's bunk and he kicked it open.  
"I think you're pretty womanly. And you need a serious rutting by a proper man."  
Simon was in shock. That was his excuse for simply letting Jayne put him down and send him down the ladder. It had absolutely nothing to do with the heat pooling in his cheeks and other parts of his anatomy due to Jayne's rough handling.   
When said rough handling began again in the bunk, Simon simply lay back and let his clothes be stripped from him. A small, secret part of his mind danced in joy as it's fantasy came to life.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And somehow this happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I am aware that a big chunk of time and plot is missing. But I was asked for smut and smut they shall have! XD. This is the first part of said smut.

"Ready for sex tonight?" Simon turned and raised an eyebrow at the merc leaning against the door frame.   
"Wow. Woo me Jayne. Woo me."  
"Huh?" Simon held in a snort at Jayne's look of utter incomprehension.   
"Never mind. And no, I'm still busy here. Why don't you and Mal go get comfortable and I'll be along in a couple of hours." He turned back to the data sheets and felt arms come round his waist from behind.  
"But it's no fun without our pretty boy." Hot breath on his ear and neck sent shivers of pleasure down his nerves.   
"Jaaaayne..." He melted back into the firm embrace and felt a hot, hard length against his lower back.   
"Mmm.. You keep groanin' like that and we'll not even make it to the bunk." Jayne slowly began rocking against him, one hand flat on his chest and the other arm tight around his hips.   
Simon quickly grew hard and moved counterpoint to Jayne's gentle thrusts. Lust was overtaking his brain faster than he thought possible.   
"Starting the fun without me?"   
Jayne grinned at Mal and disentangled from an unsteady Simon.   
"Nah. Boy's gonna be busy for a while doin' doctorly stuff. Said you an' I oughta go get comfortable."  
"Ah! Uh... I don't really need to do anything till tomorrow after all and..." Simon flushed bright red as Jayne smirked.   
"Well come on then," With a grin of his own Mal grabbed Simon's wrist and started to his bunk.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut. Smutty smut of smutness. Also, 3-way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the very first sex scene I ever wrote. And it was gay sex. With three guys. XD (Well if you're going to go for it you might as well go all out.)

After much groping and making out in the corridors, they made it into Mal's bunk. By this point Simon was lust on two legs. Didn't hurt that his two lovers were all over him, biting and sucking and peeling off layers of clothing.  
Large hands rubbing along smooth skin, kisses hot enough to melt steel, the three were a beautiful sight.   
Mal pulled Simon's shirt fully open and laved at a pert nipple. Jayne slipped Simon's trousers down long legs and dipped his tongue into the cute bellybutton. Moaning and panting, Simon writhed between them, his cheeks flushed a delicate pink and hair disheveled.   
Mal stripped his shirt and pants off and climbed onto the bed behind the younger man. He pulled Simon onto his lap, nestling his erection between cloth covered buttocks. He pressed close, reveling in the feel of warm skin against warm skin. He smiled at Jayne and turned Simon's mouth to his, enveloping them both in a soul-searing kiss.

Jayne gulped at the sight of two very hot men devouring each other. He shifted, trying to ease the pressure on his erection, and set back to work on Simon.  
He ran his hands slowly up smooth legs, placing a kiss on the back of Simon's knee as he did so. They parted for him and he leaned forward to place his mouth over the bulge in the silk boxers. Simon moaned against Mal's lips and pressed his crotch up against the elusive heat.   
Mal began licking and sucking the offered throat. Gentle kisses following quick nips trailed up along the jawline and finally latching onto the earlobe. Simon's ears had been discovered as hot points, the feeling of teeth tugging and then tongue soothing sent constant bolts of pleasure to Simon's groin.   
The big merc then slowly slid his fingers under the silk and rubbed slow circles over the hidden flesh, all the while mouthing at Simon's erection. The sensation was driving Simon mad. It was hot but not hot enough, there but not enough pressure to give relief. 

A finger wriggled its way beneath Simon and pushed lightly against his entrance. He broke the kiss and arched, fingers digging into Mal's arms.   
"Jayne.... please."  
Jayne chuckled and slowly eased the boxers down lean hips, revealing a beautiful, slender cock, fully erect and weeping at the tip. Unable to resist a taste, his licked a broad stripe from base upwards and suckled on the tip. Simon's intimate flavour burst onto his tongue in a salty rush that made him thirsty for more.   
By now Simon was nearly begging and Mal was feeling more than a little hot under the collar.   
Mal reached one long arm out to the side cabinet and swiped the tube of lube. He coated two fingers and then placed the tube in Jayne's hand. He then shifted backwards, taking Simon with him.   
Jayne was now free to take in the sight of the two men, laid out on the bed. Mal was fully naked, a broad expanse of sun-kissed skin with the odd scar. His blue eyes were dark with passion and his lips were kiss-bruised.   
Simon wore only an unbuttoned shirt that framed his chest nicely. The rest was pale, almost hairless skin, satin-soft and marred by the occasional hickey. He was spread out on Mal, legs parted wide by Mal's own. The contrast of gold and cream was almost as arousing as the view of a delicate pucker being caressed by a slick fingertip. 

Mal pressed against the opening and felt Simon slowly relax for him. No matter how many times they did this, Simon was always tight and they took the time to prepare him thoroughly. He tried hard to concentrate on going slow, ignoring the squeeze around his finger that made his cock jump in envy. Biting his lip he pressed another in and began to scissor them.   
Simon groaned as the negligible pain of stretching was erased by pleasure shooting up his spine. Mal's hand had gone down his front and every twist of his wrist rubbed against his neglected penis.   
He opened eyes he hadn't realised were closed and lost all train of thought.  
Jayne had stripped completely and was stood at the end of the bed, running one hand along his own considerable shaft as he watched them.   
Simon couldn't tear his eyes from the magnificent view. Until Mal rubbed against a spot deep inside him, causing him to see stars and shout.   
Mal withdrew his fingers, judging the younger man to be ready and eased Simon upright. Jayne knelt onto the bed and grasped pale hips, lifting up as Mal aligned himself and down at the captain's nod. 

Simon's mouth opened wide in a silent gasp as he was entered, the cock breaching him slowly but insistently. After an eternity of penetration, Mal was finally all the way in, Simon's buttocks flush against Mal' groin.   
Simon leaned forward slightly and placing his hands on Mal's thighs, he began to gently rock his hips back and forth, the hard length rubbing his insides and sending little shocks of pleasure up his spine.   
Jayne caught him in a deep kiss and blunt fingers took hold of him and began squeezing in time with the tongue thrusting into his mouth. Soon they had a rhythm that set them all moaning.   
Mal quickly felt his orgasm spiking and he grabbed Simon's waist and began thrusting in earnest. Simon groaned at the near constant rub against his prostate and moved a hand to join Jayne's on his erection. He was so close...  
Jayne grabbed his hands and held them away, leaving Simon on the brink but unable to fall. He grinned as Simon pulled from the kiss and sent him an unfocused death glare. 

"When you come, you come on my dick. Dong ma?" The husky command sent shivers along Simon's skin and the wide-eyed man nodded.   
It didn't take Mal long, Simon was tight and hot inside, and the thought of watching Jayne fuck him sent him over the edge. He came with a hoarse cry, fingers leaving bruises on creamy skin. He collapsed back onto the bed and was aware of nothing for a few seconds.   
Jayne lifted a panting, writhing Simon off a now limp Mal and pressed him back fully onto the sheets beside the captain. The bunk was narrow but they fit, just.  
The big man pulled slender legs up and apart, resting Simon's ankles on his shoulders. This was his favourite position, allowing him to see all of Simon spread out beneath him. The younger man was a stunning sight, flushed and moaning, pretty lips all pink and gasping.   
Jayne ran his hands down the back of Simon's thighs and grasping his hips, entered in one swift push.   
Simon's world narrowed further till there was just the large shaft fucking him. He groaned and pleaded, an endless litany of, "pleasepleaseplease..."  
Mal rolled onto his side and felt his well-spent cock twitch at the sight. He reached over and gripped Simon's aching erection, giving the man much needed friction.   
Simon was going to come. He could feel it rushing through every fiber of his being. He both wanted it and dreaded it, knowing that it would signal the end. Mal sealed their mouths together and, just as a particularly hard thrust nailed his prostate, he pressed his thumbnail into the slit.  
Simon screamed and came hard. Every muscle tensed as he arched his back off the bed, dragging Jayne's orgasm from him. The merc pulsed inside the twitching younger man as he yelled his pleasure.   
Jayne collapsed forward onto Simon, who grumbled as he passed out. Mal rolled the two so that Simon wasn't being crushed and pulling a conveniently placed towel up from the floor, cleaned them all up before settling down for a well-deserved rest.   
Within moments all three were fast asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one comes before the smut in chapters 4 and 5.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay. We have yet more alcohol and a bit of plot filler-in.

"Y'know Jayne.. Whoops." Simon leaned closer to the big merc and nearly fell off his chair in the process.  
Jayne steadied him and smirked. The pretty boy was going to regret this in the morning.  
"What Doc?"  
"I might jus' be drunk enough to make out with you."   
Jayne's mouth fell open in shock. Both at the statement and the sudden rush of heat to his groin. After working his jaw for a few moments he managed to croak out, "Really?"  
"Yup. You don't wanna miss this unique opportunity." Simon grinned drunkenly and drank sloppily from his mug.  
"I don't do kissin'."   
"Oh." Simon knew that he should be disappointed but decided that more alcohol would make everything better.  
"But I do do ruttin'."   
"Oh goody!"

 

Simon stumbled into the galley, desperate for a coffee or an equivalent stimulant. His head was pounding and there was a strange taste in his mouth. And for some reason there had been another body in his bed. And a ladder instead of a door. A nasty thought began to form in the back of his mind but stayed out of comprehension.   
Coffee. He needed to wake up.  
"So Doc. How did lowering your standards go last night?"   
Simon paused mid-cabinet-rummage and peered through bleary eyes at a fuzzy captain. "Huh?"  
Mal was slouched at the table and scowling across at him.   
Simon was all rumpled, shirt un-tucked and buttoned wrong, hair in random spikes and un-belted trousers nearly covering bare feet. And worse; there was a definite hickey at the base of his throat.  
"You slept with Jayne. Didn't you?"   
Simon froze. Did he? That would explain a lot. Especially the aches he'd been trying not to think about. But how did that happen?   
Suddenly he felt a lot more awake. Funny what a feeling of impending doom could do to a person.   
"Uh... I can't remember." He winced as Mal's face darkened and his eyes narrowed. Somehow, he knew, he'd managed to screw something up.   
"Can't remem..!" Mal stormed to his feet and rounded in on the younger man.   
Simon backed up hurriedly, trapped against the counter. His heart pounded and his stomach dropped with fear. Was Mal finally going to kill him?


End file.
